A New Approach to Fandom
by Smackalicious
Summary: We are not canon. [McGiva. Other pairings suggested. Oneshot. Parody. Yes, I am poking fun at fandom. Deal with it.]


_A/N: Yeah, I got the idea to write this after pretty much anytime I mention McGiva and having someone say, "Oh, they'd be so great! But they'll never happen because they're not canon," like I don't realize that already. :p Here is a fic to show that I do realize that, and I can deal with it._

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**A New Approach to Fandom**

"I love you, Ziva," McGee said, leaning towards the curly-haired beauty to kiss her. His mouth was descending slowly, ever so slowly, until Ziva put a hand up to stop him.

"Wait," she ordered. "We cannot . . . This cannot be happening."

McGee's face fell. "You don't love me?"

Ziva scrunched her face in thought. "I-I am not sure how I feel." She pushed past him, pacing the room. McGee followed her with his eyes; he could almost see the thoughts racing through her mind. Finally, she turned back to him, finger raised. "We are not canon."

He raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"You and I, we are not a canon couple. I cannot be in love with you, and you cannot be in love with me, because that is not how we are written."

McGee nodded slowly. "Okay, I think I get what you're saying. You use me to make Tony jealous, right?"

She nodded. "Yes, because I am supposed to be in love with him. Which I find completely preposterous, since there has never really been any emotional connection between the two of us. Usually, in the circumstances of a canon pairing, there is something that makes the fans say, "Ah, yes, that is a canon couple." Tony and I have never really had much of that, just your stereotypical situations where we would be sent undercover as a married couple – oldest trick in the book, McGee – or stuck inside a shipping container, where we would come to realize our deep feelings for one another."

McGee was now nodding fervently with her. "Yeah, you're right. Your relationship with Tony has been based off what people want to see. And I've never seen the two of you have a serious talk. Ever. I mean, sure, after Gibbs left, you tried to talk to him, but you know Tony."

"Exactly!" Ziva agreed, throwing up her hands.

McGee thought for a moment. "Though you two _do _seem to have a lot of UST."

"Ah, you are right about that." Ziva pondered that thought for a moment. "It seems to be an important part to a canon couple's, how shall I say it, presence, yes?" She smirked. "Yes, I do enjoy teasing Tony. But I also tease you." She tilted her head in thought. "So why are _we _not a canon couple?"

McGee shrugged. "We don't have enough scenes together to make us canon."

Ziva nodded slowly, narrowing her eyes at him. "This is true. But even with last year, with Tony's undercover business, and us being left to each other's devices," McGee gave her a wide-eyed look of fright, "that did not change anything. These fans must be rather stubborn."

McGee shrugged. "I don't know if it's that. I just think that once a canon couple is established, there's no saying, 'Okay, now these two are canon instead.' Right?"

Ziva nodded. "Yes. I do agree with that. It does not mean I like it any, though."

"Why's that?" McGee asked nonchalantly, even though he was excited by the possibilities. If there was a chance he could be with Ziva, he was going to take it.

"I think I would like to choose who I want to be with, be it you," McGee's eyes lit up, "or Tony," he scowled, "or perhaps someone who is not even in the 'canon' picture."

"Like Gibbs?" McGee asked, slightly disturbed.

She nodded. "Yes. Or Abby."

McGee's eyes just about bulged out of his head. "Abby?!"

Ziva nodded again. "I have never closed myself off to the possibility of being with another woman, McGee. I am not quite as . . . what is the term . . . in the broom closet as you."

McGee closed his eyes as he corrected her. "It's just in the closet, Ziva." His eyes popped open as he realized what she was saying. "Hey! I am _not _gay! I don't know how many times I have to say it!"

"I never said you were gay, Timothy, but perhaps bi-sexual?" She finished with an innocent look which, despite his aggravation, McGee couldn't resist.

He sighed. "You won't tell Tony, will you?"

"Of _course_ not," she purred, and he had a feeling he couldn't really trust her to keep quiet, but nodded anyway. "I will leave that up to you." She began to walk away, and McGee quickly followed her.

"Now wait a minute," he said to her back, "if _we _aren't canon, then you and Abby aren't, either, and Tony and I most certainly aren't. How would the fans react to _that_?"

She turned back to him, a smile on her face. "No one ever said that was the way things were going to happen, McGee. For all I care, we could have an orgy with all four of us – you, me, Tony and Abby. How would _that _grab you?"

She winked at him, leaving him dumbstruck and ready to fall over, before heading for the elevator, pressing the button for the basement level. She had business to attend to – non-casefile related business, or should I say, non-canon?

**THE END!**


End file.
